Well, it's a Homer bucket, and it's actually for #2 because we save all our #1's in the real toilet for the once a day flush we think the pipes can handle.
It all began on October 23rd when one of our bathtubs filled up with...well, filth. I have a photo of that too, but I will spare you.
It took the property management and owner of my house 3 weeks to figure out the sewer line is broken.
The kicker is that it has been 22 days since they determined that, and they have yet to make a single move toward fixing the pipe.
I love this house. It is beautiful.
It manifested for me at the perfect moment, when I desparately needed to leave the worst thing that ever happened in my life. For a year and a half, this space has filled me with serenity every time I walk through its door. But for the past three weeks that zen has faded and turned sour.
Besides shitting in a bucket...which is the worse of it...we cannot shower. Well, we do. We plug the clean bath, wet ourselves with cold water, turn the water off while we soap and shampoo, then rinse with lukewarm water. We wash dishes, which we use sparingly, the same way. We do laundry at a public laundromat.
Today I am waking up to the forecast of 5 days of rain. So the pipe being fixed won't be happening even if the homeowner was making the slightest effort to remedy the SHITuation.
It is an understatement to say that I am losing my mind. Work and commute take 13 hours out of my day and I cannot relax in what was once my home. I am angry. I am depressed. I want to throw shit bombs at my landlord's house.
Today I have been contemplating abandoning ship and moving. But the idea of trying to find a place to live, gathering the funds, packing, and moving before Christmas is about to put me over the edge. I resist what seems to be the obvious and only choice.
I converse with the I AM, asking for guidance. Yesterday, a car driving in front of me had a personalized plate that read: JST W8. And today my I Ching Reading gave me this:
"Whenever we allow ourselves to be drawn off balance, away from the strength of quiet integrity, we are in conflict. It matters not whether the confrontation is between competing values in one's own mind or with another person: it is the inner departure from clarity and equanimity that leaves us with feelings of despair and vulnerability. The only remedy is to disengage from the problem and return to quiet contemplation of what is correct.
Conflict provokes strong feelings of doubt, fear, anxiety, and impatience to resolve the situation. If you act under the influence of these inferior emotions, you will severely complicate the misfortune. By following the prescription of the Sage and returning to a position of neutrality, acceptance, and detachment, you are able to meet opposing forces halfway: not recoiling in anger and condemnation, not pressing forward for some unnatural change in things, but waiting calmly in the center until the Higher Power provides the correct solution."
I don't think I have a correct solution yet. I can't believe I am saying this, but I think I am going to sit here in lotus on my accumulating mountain of shit, and JST W8 for the opening; the clear path for my next move.
My grandma always used to say, "Shannan, the sun always shines on you. When you fall into shit you always come out smelling like a rose." Well, Grandma, the shit is deep now. Hopefully, there are roses ready to bloom in there.
Namaste,
Shannan
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