ORIGINAL BLISS

An Apology to My Muse

No one likes to say "I'm sorry." But when we have wronged someone, turned our back on them, or invalidated them in some way, we owe them an apology. And I owe my muse an apology.

Yes, I have a muse. It is not uncommon amongst writers, musicians and artists. Homer and Virgil publicly invoked them in their respective epics, John Lennon let his ruin The Beatles, and The Bard dedicated 25 sonnets to his "dark lady." Muses have inspired everything from poetry and music to hairstyles (Google Astrid Kirchherr) and movies (Remember Xanadu?).

Well, I have a muse, too.

While muses are typically female, and in recent times, human...mine's a dude and supernatural.

I know. Weird. 

But those of you who know me from Original Bliss, know I'm a little odd - "kooky" has actually been the term used. But you also know I tell it like it is. So there you have it. I have a little spirit in the closet. Actually, I don't think he's little, he seems like he's quite tall. And he doesn't stick around in my closet or even my house. He mostly roams the Multiverse. If he has a name, I don't know it. It is probably unpronounceable to our Earthly tongue. So I just call him "Muse" when I feel him around or shout out "Muse!" when I need him. He isn't always prompt. Sometimes I have to wait for him. And though I'd like to think we are exclusive, I may not be his only client.

So here's how it happened.

Seven years ago, I had a dream~a whole series of them. And from them came the seed idea for Dream Walker. I guess you can say Dream Walker is based on a true story. Kooky. I warned you. Anyway, I was thus inspired. I plotted out my novel, developed characters and hammered out about 12,000 words. But inspiration faded and I set my book aside.

Three years ago, I pulled DW out again and tried to breathe some life into her. But I basically just smeared those first 12,000 words around in the word processor and called it editing. Dream Walker did not resuscitate.

Then, just over a year ago, my life fell apart. No, really...it completely fell apart. Everything I held dear, my marriage, my family, my home, my dreams for the future, collapsed into ruin. I became deeply depressed. I lived in my bathtub with a bottle of wine, hoping I would sink. 

One night, in the in-between of sleep and stupor, I heard his voice. Out loud. Yes. Crazy shit right there. But maybe you've heard an unseen voice at some time in your life. When you were driving and looked down at your iPhone and you heard "Look up!" just in time to see that traffic was coming to an abrupt stop. So you know what I mean.

He said, "It's time."

That all. And it was as clear as if he was standing right next to my bed. 

Normally I would have responded with, "Time for what?" Scratch that. Normally I would have responded by screaming some profanity because I heard someone who wasn't really there, then I would have asked, "Time for what?"

But I didn't ask. I already knew.

It was time for me to write my book. In an instant it all flashed into my mind. Only it wasn't the book I started writing 7 years ago. Names had changed. Ages were different. The time frame had shifted. It was my book, but new and fresh, and I got out of bed and started writing it.

Writing Dream Walker has been an intuitive process for me. Maybe it is that way for all writers. It only flows when I get my head out of the way. Rationale does not work...intellect fucks it up. Many times I thought I was going one direction only to be told by the character, that no, they weren't. The story was full of surprises--for me. There were times that my gut seized up with a knowing that everything was wrong with a chapter. I absolutely could not write another word. I would have to completely let that train of thought go so Muse would come and work his magic, lighting the synapses of my brain with epiphany.

Muse isn't just genius about storytelling either. He has also been very insistent about what I should do once the book was written, telling me over and over, "Self-publish." He's whispered marketing ideas and promotion suggestions to me in my sleep. He has pointed me toward workshops, websites and blogs specifically geared toward the independent author. Every time I move in that direction, synchronicities happen.

But my head got in the way.

Yes, I know now is an exciting time to be a writer. The opportunities and services supporting independent authors are abundant and incredible. But my head clings to the old ways. It tries to convince me that the traditional route is the only "legit" path.

Get an agent. Have them find the publisher. Self-publishing is only for people who can't make it any other way. I am a coward, afraid of the dreaded rejection slips! I have to earn my stripes by taking my licks! Amanda Hocking be damned!

Muse and I got in an argument. He left in a huff. Alright, I exaggerate. He just shrugged his shoulders and sulked off.. And I went about checking the boxes on my "traditional" route task list so I could start gathering some rejections slips for the scrapbook.

And my gut froze up. Inspiration and enthusiasm left me when muse did. My soul is not in it. 

I swallowed my pride and said, "Muse. If you can hear me across the dimensions, could you please come back? I think I am on the wrong path with this."

He was by my side right away. Even muses don't want to miss an opportunity to gloat and say, "I told you so." Again, he outlined the plan--the Independent, Self Publishing Plan of Action for Shannan Sinclair and Dream Walker. He knew I was still really apprehensive about committing to this plan, so he sent one of his helpers...an elf, a human elf.

This elf sent me an email last week. He has a friend who has the coveted Agent. And her agent scored her a publisher!!!! Her book is going to be published LEGITIMATELY!!!! His friend holds the Holy Grail of Writer's Success in her hands! Contracts have been signed. Her book will be available to the public! In January 2014.

Yes... you read that shit right. JANUARY 2014! TWO FREAKIN' YEARS AWAY!!!!!!!!!

WTF?

Muse was rolling on the floor laughing his ass off. "Told you so." He couldn't help one last dig.

That sealed the deal for me. Dream Walker is NOT going to be published in 2014. It is going to be published March 1, 2012 or very soon after. It will be available on Nook, Kindle, and Apple--electronically. And for those of you who haven't moved into the 21st century yet, I am figuring out how to kill a couple of trees just for you.

In the coming weeks, you'll be hearing more about Dream Walker's release and how you can help my book go viral! Maybe we can organize one of those Flash Mob things? Or maybe we can invade peoples dreams and seed the idea --"Buy Dream Walker today." That would be bad ass... creepy... but bad ass!

Until next time, remember...

We live in the fiction.

Shannan

Reposted from SHANNANSINCLAIR.COM

Embracing My Multiple Personalities!

 

Hey Original Bliss readers!

I had an epiphany this week.

I had planned to start a completely new blog devoted to everything that I do. My writing adventures and my musings on life and my art were to all be over at shannansinclair.com. I would transfer everything there, just like moving from one house to another.

But this week I realized something. I have a lot to say about many, many things.

For instance, I have a blog post brewing about our bodies being our clocks. It is very insightful and made me laugh when I thought about it, which is a sign that it is funny. But it may reference poop, or periods, or the dreaded MENOPAUSE!

And when I thought about putting THAT post on the NEW site, it didn't resonate. It felt off.

That blog is about one part of my personality, and a "business" space for my books - of which there will be MANY and make me RICH! ***Bwahahahaha!*** That site is not for my ranting about kids, and people, and random shit in my mind. In fact, I question whether the word "shit" should even appear on that site.

But I have an alter ego that has an insatiable NEED to keep it real. She says, "fuck you!" to professionalism and making money... it's about authenticity! It's about your truth!

So I decided - I need really two blogs. Either that OR professional help for my split personality.

I am starting with the former to see how that goes, which means that Original Bliss will remain a part of the Blogoverse, that I will be embracing my split, possibly multiple personalities and giving myself triple the amount of writing to do.

Great.

;-)

Namaste,

C H E Z

First Peek: Dream Walker

Now that the dust has settled in my life, I am back to REALLY finishing my book. The climax and finale chapters are underway as you read this post.

 

Because I am planning to e-publish it - to generate interest - while I search for an agent/publisher, I have also started planning my marketing strategies, designing covers and preparing a web site. 

This whole novel writing endeavor is arduous. Although the idea for the novel came to me almost 7 years ago, I didn't begin truly gestating it until November 1st of last year. By the time I finish, I will have carried this puppy for 9 months. I am fascinated at how the process is almost exactly like being pregnant with children. 

The uncontrollable eating.

The unbearable anxiety.

The sleepless nights.

The heartburn.

The hemorrhoids.

I can't wait for the damn thing to crown!

My beta readers and I have narrowed the book cover design down to the final two choices. I wanted to give all of you a sneak peek and an opportunity to have a say in which one you like the best. It has basically come down to the font.

Dream Walker is a quantum fiction novel about a young woman who unwittingly stumbles into another dimension and witnesses a murder. What she believed was only a dream, she soon discovers is a reality, and she finds herself in danger of being hunted and eliminated by the people in control of The Stratum.

Please leave a comment as to which cover you prefer! Soon, I will be posting some sample chapters to whet your appetite as well!!!!! Fun! Fun!

Namaste,

C H E Z

Book Cover Photo  ©DepositPhotos / Stanislav Perov

Motion and Stillness

The move is complete.

I am in my new place and it is such an awesome space! A real sanctuary. A house of glass that lets in the dappled sunlight and views of lush vegetation that surround the property. A fountain bubbles outside my bedroom windows and birds flit in and out of the courtyards.

I love it so so so so much! 

It has been so much work: the planning, the packing, the heaving and hefting, the loading and unloading, and finding the perfect places for all the crap I have acquired over 43 years.

Add to that the emotional baggage and bureaucratic processes of a divorce...

I have been so busy I haven’t had time to really think. Or really feel.

I had a moment alone last night. Kelsea was at work. Mattea was with friends. It was just me, alone with my thoughts and my feelings.

When the busy stops, I grieve.

Not over the loss of the person, because when I am with him, I feel alone ~ which is more frustrating and disappointing than actually being alone.  

No. I grieve the loss of the IDEA of love. I grieve the loss of the fantasy I built my life around and upon. I just propped up the reality of the relationship on the ideals I desired and called it so.

But it was like a pretty teacup. It looked good on the shelf, with its trips and events, but when I tried to drink from it, it held nothing to quench my real thirst. A pretty, empty, cup.

So I am creating this new space, a new cup, that I fill with positive, fortunate, and abundant changes that I can drink from and actually be sustained.

Namaste,

C H E Z

 

Follow Your Heart - OR DIE!!!!!

So I watched Oprah today.

I don't usually watch Oprah. I have nothing against her... I just don't like sappy, overdramatized, preachy things. I like authenticity. And although she preaches authenticity - it doesn't feel authentic to me.

I want REAL. Like, really really REAL.

I like my sunshine with some clouds...

my flowers in the dirt...

I like my tears... not to be a pretty, little well-up with one sliding down my cheek.... I like tears with snot and sobs and black, mascara eyes that leave a salty rind encrusted on my face.

But I watched Oprah today, featuring Tom Shadyac, the director of Ace Ventura, Bruce Almighty, Nutty Professor, who gave up the so-f-ing-rich-and-successful life, for a REAL one.

It hooked me. It touched me. And it reminded me of several things about myself that I have let go to seed.

I haven't been living my purpose. I know my purpose. I yearn and crave to be fulfilling it. BUT I continuously put it aside and give my energy away to purposes that are not from my own heart. I get distracted and off-track.

Oprah said today.... "Each day we live not doing our heart's desire... we die a little."

That resonated with me. I know that little inkling of death. I feel it when I close my eyes at the end of a day that I have been completely out of touch with my soul's reason for being.

So I am putting a little Posty on my bathroom mirror that reads - "Follow Your Heart - OR DIE!"

Every morning... as I floss my gums... I will repeat it in my head and go into my day following my heart.

Namaste,

C H E Z

The Shannan Show - NOW PLAYING!

Does it ever feel like the Universe is playing games with you?

Or is it just me?

Sometimes I feel like I am living in a Cosmic Sit-Com and the Higher Power and all Its minions gather round to watch....

Boy, do I make them laugh!

It especially feels that way when I think I have it all laid out ~ I got myself a plan ~ I'm dedicated ~ I'm following through ~ I'm on a roll!

That must be boring and predictable - a real yawner.... so the Great Scriptwriter in the Sky writes in a shocker. The celestial order gasps in surprise and tunes in again tomorrow to see how the kooky, comic, protagonist handles it all.

"Just Married and Happily Ever After" doesn't keep the audience engaged for very long. Write in some major drama. "Husband Goes to Jail" - "Husband Loses Job" - "Family Loses House" - "Court Battles" - "Real Ex Wives of the Trailer Park" - "ADHD and PTSD" - "All That and a Bag of Rancid Ruffles!"

Way. More. Interesting.

When I am finished writing my current book.... oh yeah, the little divorce the Divine Mastermind wrote into the soap opera called My Life ain't stopping me.... I am going to write an autobiography.

You'll laugh.

You'll cry.

You'll get really pissed off.

And I'll win an Oscar just for being in the race.

Namaste,

C H E Z

Waylaid and Frayed

 

 

Waylaid and frayed.

Worn threads on the screw.

The silence in my smile,

a tocsin.

Behind the mirage,

a saccade betrays me.

Tapping out

S

O

S

in desparate staccato.

You cannot sweep away destruction

with a wave or a wish.

Abandon ship

is the only option.

 

Namaste,

C H E Z

The Force Is Middling In This One

Hello faithful readers whom I abandoned months ago to go into hard labor to birth my novel. How are my peeps doing? Well, I hope?

So you all know, I have banned blogging from my list of activities because, while it is fun and fulfilling, it detracts both time and juice from The Project of Which I Cannot Speak. I have eliminated nearly all endeavors in order to focus on producing this Great Work of Art That Is Going To Blow You Away.

Really.

I have kept in the occasional Zumba class... because my ass is big enough. Sitting 12 hours at work and then another 5 hours in front of The Novel, has to be counteracted with a little booty shaking.

I sleep.

I eat.

I drink wine.

I pet my cat.

And occasionally I bathe.

It is completely... freaking... ridiculous.

I am absolutely determined to see this through. Some people have the desire to complete a marathon. I have zero desire to run 385 yards - let alone 26 miles and 385 yards. Some people want to win Gold at the Olympics... climb Mount Everest.... or have sex with a porn star...

Not me. Numero uno, pretty much numero solo, on my cubeta lista is: write a damn book.

I would pick the hardest thing on Earth to accomplish.

So the other day while I was at work, I downloaded a free, Nook book called "Write Good or Die." I was hoping for a little hope and inspiration since I don't have a Xanax prescription.

The book was filled with short articles about the craft and pain in the ass of writing. I got to one article in particular that, although it wasn't as good as what I imagine narcotics to be, was insightful and, even better, made me laugh. I enjoyed it so much I decided to check out the author's website.

The author describes himself as living "in the worst city in the United States."

My first thought was, "Bullshit! I live in the worst city in the United States." (Actually...Modesto is now considered 4th worst, but still.)

I dismissed his claim and went straight for the meat and potatoes of his site... the free download samples of his books! I read the first one: "The Force is Middling in this One" and laughed my ass off.

That really counts for something - because I usually don't find people funny.... stupid... but not funny.

I enjoyed the sample so much, I am buying that book AND his fiction novel "Mercury Falls."

I also decided to challenge his assertion about the "living in the worst city" claim...and guess what?

He only lives down the road like 10 miles!

He lives in Ripon! Which is HELLA better than Modesto, but close enough that he lives in Modesto's second hand meth smoke.

I was really inspired by that; a talented writer, who is practically a neighbor! I thought - if HE could live in this god-forsaken area and finish a damn book and have it actually be successful, then so can I!

The Force works in mysterious ways.

Check out his site, read his samples and buy his books: Robert Kroese

Namaste,

C H EZ

Catching Up with My Heartbeat

"Inside the Hi Dive"

 

I left my heart in San Francisco the day I got my drivers license and hit the highway in my canary yellow, 1974 Dodge Colt named Tweety.

I drove there from my then little country town, Modesto, as often as I could. I drive there from the same town, now grow'd up into the epitomy of urban sprawl, as often as I can.

The book which I am so diligently writing takes place in San Francisco and the Central Valley (shhhh.... I am breaking my "don't talk about the project" rule.) I had some other business in the city and decided to tack on a "research"/"anniversary" trip with my husband... not that I need the excuse but excuses do make one feel better, especially when you are spending money. 

 

Our first recreational stop of the day was the Hi Dive Bar situated right next to Pier 28 and practically under the Bay Bridge. I have passed this bar every, single time I drive down the Embarcadaro and have always wanted to have a Bloody Mary here. I finally got my wish. A Bloody Mary with a side of lobster bisque that was abundant with huge chunks of lobster! Jeff was lucky to get 2 bites. I hogged it all up!

 

This will be an every, single time stop from now on. It was everything I could hope for in a "dive" bar on the Bay.

 

Of course, I have to also have my oysters!!!!!! So we walked to the Ferry Building and partook of these perfect food specimens.

 

"Waiting for Me Oysters!"

We also had to try what has been touted as "the world's perfect cup of coffee". I must say, Blue Bottle Coffee did make the smoothest cup of joe I have ever tasted!

 

 

 

We wandered back to the car taking in the clear air, and the near empty streets. If you want to see San Francisco, go in January. The weather is perfect and the tourists are GONE!

 

We checked into our hotel, the Intercontinental Mark Hopkins. Our room overlooked Nob Hill, the Fairmont Hotel, Grace Cathedral, the Illuminati hang out - The Pacific Union Club, and the entire city.

I had to get inside the Cathedral during sunset.

 

 

 

The Cathedral was glorious... but I found a few things odd. First, the door panel artwork, replicas of Lorenzo Ghiberti's 15th century masterpiece depicted various scenes from the Bible that struck me as strange.

 

Note the angel passing through a portal doorway on the right. And the heavenly host in the sky looking like a UFO.

 

Again with the UFO's.... hovering all around the Great Pyramid.... (up close they are angels).

 

God giving Moses the 10 Commandments.... from a UFO!

Really now??... very interesting.

 

Even more interesting is that the Cathedral sits across the street from the Masonic Lodge, and the highly elite Pacific Union Club. Jeff tried to get in but we were very denied.

 

"View from Room 1226"

We went back to the hotel, then went to the Top of the Mark to enjoy martinis and the city lights!

 

The next day we were up early for more traipsing.  We went out to wander amoung the urban ruins of the Sutro Baths. 

 

Before

 

Today

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My main goal in all this was looking for my main characters' homes. Exploring their neighborhoods, getting a feel for their lives in the city. The Presidio is amazing. I have driven through it many times and I went to a wine tasting at the Officer's Club once, but I have never walked through the neighborhoods. If you are ever in SF, be sure to do this sometime.

 

 

 

 

Before heading over to my sister's for dinner, we made a quick stop at the Mountain View Cemetery in Piedmont. I need to go back and take the tour. I have a thing for cemetaries. Is that weird?  The architecture of the elaborate mausoleams, the age showing on the angels faces, the peace of the gardens and the fountains. I especially like to read about the departed on their headstones. I feel their stories, touch their history and make it my own. Must be the storyteller in me.

 

 

 

It is time for me to mosey into my office and write my next chapter.

While comtemplating my book walking along the Embarcado, the sidewalk told me it was my destiny.

 

And when a sidewalk tells you so, it must be true!

Namaste,

C H E Z

 

Things I Am Learning About Writing My First Novel....

Since I embarked on the adventure of writing my first novel, I have learned many things. I wanted to write them down, so I could remember these lessons when I start writing my second, and third novels... assuming, of course, I finish the first!

1. Reading about other writers' processes does not help. Although I have wanted to pick up the phone and call Steven King, Margaret Atwood, or Joyce Carol Oats and ask a million questions about how they do it and what their challenges are, I am sure I would find that what works for them ~ would not work for me.

They may not outline first and just start writing away... I found I had to do an outline first.

They don't hold down full time jobs AND write... they just write... so they can't tell me anything about fitting the craft into a 50 hour work schedule. I've got to bear that cross on my own and figure it out.

They may have hard, fast rules that don't fit my personality at all. So my rules, and processes are going to be unique just to me. I get to discover those quirks as I write along.

2. Write first thing when you get up. FIRST THING. God damn it if I get started on housework, or my mom calls. As soon as my mind is going 1,000 mph in the direction of life, stepping into my fiction becomes nearly impossible. When I try, it takes an hour of writing before I find a flow. If I am at the laptop after my first cup of coffee, I can get right into it.

3. Never underestimate the power of a pen and a notebook. Inspiration strikes at the weirdest freakin' times! On the toilet, in the shower, at the grocery store, and especially in my car during my commute. Jotting epiphanies in a spiral bound notebook has lead to great paragraphs.

I think writing long hand, accesses a different part of your brain. It is sometimes easier to channel the muse through my left hand, than through my fingers on a keyboard.

4. Take naps. When I hit a block, it feels like a smashed my skull into a brick wall, and I get an overwhelming urge to go completely unconscious, literally pass out on the keyboard. When I start feeling  that sensation, I lay down for 30 minutes and take a nap. Giving myself permission to NAP has been a breakthrough.

5. Create a Playlist for your novel. I have a playlist created just for this novel. It includes songs for the whole story, for specific scenes within the story, and for specific characters. When I am stuck, or uninspired, or on one of my MAJOR DOWNERS, putting on a song creates a mood, reminds me of a character and puts me right into the story.

6. Eat. Pray. Write.

Vocabulary, grammar, structure and plot need nourishment. The synapses do not fire when my stomach growls. I must eat!

I light a candle, a stick of insense, touch my little "writing" totems I have on my desk; a large rainbow onyx stone that has good grounding properties, and a stone turtle pin that belonged to my grandmother, who I feel would have been a good writer. I say a prayer... asking to be open to hearing the muse. I feel I am in cooperation with the Universe in creating this tome, so it is vital to my process to say hello and then listen to that voice.

WRITE. Just type, or write something down. If I am frustrated about work or family issues, I get out a pen and vent on a sheet of paper. It gets the muck out. When I feel my story again, I write my story. This blog post is one of those muckwriting practices.

7. Don't Hate.

I did not realize how much I could hate myself until I started writing a book. Oh, I get down on myself for looking old, or having a big ass, or for being a bitch to someone, or for doing some dumbass thing. These are nothin' compared to the loathing and belittling my left brain has lashed upon my right brain about my lack of writing talent. I totally understand why writer's have always been the most serious, depressed, suicidal people. I have never been more brutal toward myself. No wonder it was always so hard to committ to writing, I didn't want to be abused!

So... it happens... I go into a "You suck" diatribe toward myself, I notice I am starting to feel like shit about what I am doing and I stop. "Be gentle with yourself." "Don't hate.... just write. It can suck when you've finished it." Things like that. It's helped.

8. It also helps to have a friend remind you that what you are doing is worthwhile and valid. So having a good, supportive husband who is totally looking forward to reading my sucky, first FINISHED novel... keeps me writing.

9. Don't read. Steven (King) says TO read. Shannan says DON'T. At least not while you are writing your book. I am not enjoying reading as I usually do. It is a surefire way to get bring the "Hater" out. I either hate the writer - who wrote a sucky book that actually got published... or I hate myself because I think I cannot be as "good" as them. I will save my recreational reading habit for when I am finished WRITING.

10. Don't judge the first shit you put on the page. It's like moving to a new house. You get all the boxes of your stuff open and shit is everywhere, a horrible, disjointed mess. Same in the book. the sequence is off... it sounds flat and colorless. When you go back through it a second time, and clean and spruce and rearrange a bit, it starts to have flavor. JUST THINK WHAT IT WILL BE LIKE WHEN YOU DO THE SECOND DRAFT! It'll be freakin AWESOME! ;-)

Okay, enough.

I have a chapter to slog through...

Namaste,

C H E Z