ORIGINAL BLISS

Letting Skeletons Out of the Closet

"The Lovers" Thoth Tarot

 

I have been an avid student and practitioner of the Tarot for over 20 years. Only my closest friends and family know this, just as they are the only ones who know of the years I have spent studying all things esoteric and doing clairvoyant readings.

I spend most of my life in a black and white world, (don't we all?), where we judge things only by what we see and what can be rationalized with our minds. It can be difficult to reveal intuitive insights, for fear of judgement and invalidation. Although mine have been known to "slip out" at inopportune times, it is something I have really tried to keep in the closet.

I don't read Tarot cards every day, or even every week for that matter. I use them as a tool. Some days, I can meditate and hear divine guidance as clearly as if God was whispering directly in my ear. And some days I need help. Contemplating a situation with Source and pulling cards, helps me see the energies around what is going on in my life.

It is so funny, and so "no duh", that I sat down this morning to do a reading about the choices I am making and something told me to check my growth journal. 

I have kept a chart tracking the growth cards for every year since the year I was born and journaling the events around those years in my life. I haven't looked at that chart in 5 years.

But I listened to the suggestion, pulled out that chart, realized that 2013 is a "6" year for me. It is a year where my birth date and month and year add up to the number 6. 6 also happens to be my soul and personality number...I was born a 6. 

Every 6 year has been a year when I have chosen to change the course of my life completely. They are huge transition and transformation years for me. 

The Lovers card is the 6th card of the Major Arcana. It is the card that reflects what this year is about for me. The Lovers is about synthesis. The union of the divine in us with the divine in the universe. It is about combining the elements of head AND heart, intellect AND feeling. It is about making choices between security and a risk of some kind...or between the old and the new. It is about the freedom from bondage. It is about integrating ALL of who we are and not holding anything back anymore.

I'm kind of disappointed that I only realized this today because helps me understand what I have been going through this year--what all the trials and tribulations have been leading up to. But if I knew all this was coming, I would have been petrified and would have resisted it more.

Knowing this now, I can embrace the choices and changes I am making.

It was meant to be all along.

Namaste,

Shannan

Evolution

I have been so stagnant lately. Sitting around on my ass waiting for something to happen, for something to be brought to me, for inspiration.

What that means is, I have been sitting around in my skivvies watching episodes of 'Breaking Bad' back to back and not being what I call "creatively productive."

I have forced myself to sit down and write my next novel, Time Walker, but that ends up being sitting down and staring at the words I have already written, maybe moving them around a little, until I give up and go back to watching 'Breaking Bad'.

This is extremely frustrating for me because I have a complete story all laid out in my head, but for some reason I am having a hard time telling it right now.

I could force it—figuratively stick my finger down my throat and vomit Time Walker out—but sorry, that is no fun for me. And the truth of it is, if it doesn't turn me on, I ain't doin' it.

As I was wrestling with my artistic angst one day, it occurred to me, the Creative cannot be forced to manifest. It happens naturally, in its own sweet time; not like a big bang where it all appears in a perfect instant, but in the slow drip of evolution.

My soul has been telling my ego to back the fuck off and give her some space. Sure, laying on the couch for the complete second season of a kickass television show may look like I am wasting time, or it could be I am incubating, or learning how to tell an even more amazing story from it.

Time Walker will get written. It is all there.

In the meantime, I will find ways that allow the Creative to just happen, whether it is through writing, journaling, photography, or finger painting.

Namaste,

Shannan

An Apology to My Muse

No one likes to say "I'm sorry." But when we have wronged someone, turned our back on them, or invalidated them in some way, we owe them an apology. And I owe my muse an apology.

Yes, I have a muse. It is not uncommon amongst writers, musicians and artists. Homer and Virgil publicly invoked them in their respective epics, John Lennon let his ruin The Beatles, and The Bard dedicated 25 sonnets to his "dark lady." Muses have inspired everything from poetry and music to hairstyles (Google Astrid Kirchherr) and movies (Remember Xanadu?).

Well, I have a muse, too.

While muses are typically female, and in recent times, human...mine's a dude and supernatural.

I know. Weird. 

But those of you who know me from Original Bliss, know I'm a little odd - "kooky" has actually been the term used. But you also know I tell it like it is. So there you have it. I have a little spirit in the closet. Actually, I don't think he's little, he seems like he's quite tall. And he doesn't stick around in my closet or even my house. He mostly roams the Multiverse. If he has a name, I don't know it. It is probably unpronounceable to our Earthly tongue. So I just call him "Muse" when I feel him around or shout out "Muse!" when I need him. He isn't always prompt. Sometimes I have to wait for him. And though I'd like to think we are exclusive, I may not be his only client.

So here's how it happened.

Seven years ago, I had a dream~a whole series of them. And from them came the seed idea for Dream Walker. I guess you can say Dream Walker is based on a true story. Kooky. I warned you. Anyway, I was thus inspired. I plotted out my novel, developed characters and hammered out about 12,000 words. But inspiration faded and I set my book aside.

Three years ago, I pulled DW out again and tried to breathe some life into her. But I basically just smeared those first 12,000 words around in the word processor and called it editing. Dream Walker did not resuscitate.

Then, just over a year ago, my life fell apart. No, really...it completely fell apart. Everything I held dear, my marriage, my family, my home, my dreams for the future, collapsed into ruin. I became deeply depressed. I lived in my bathtub with a bottle of wine, hoping I would sink. 

One night, in the in-between of sleep and stupor, I heard his voice. Out loud. Yes. Crazy shit right there. But maybe you've heard an unseen voice at some time in your life. When you were driving and looked down at your iPhone and you heard "Look up!" just in time to see that traffic was coming to an abrupt stop. So you know what I mean.

He said, "It's time."

That all. And it was as clear as if he was standing right next to my bed. 

Normally I would have responded with, "Time for what?" Scratch that. Normally I would have responded by screaming some profanity because I heard someone who wasn't really there, then I would have asked, "Time for what?"

But I didn't ask. I already knew.

It was time for me to write my book. In an instant it all flashed into my mind. Only it wasn't the book I started writing 7 years ago. Names had changed. Ages were different. The time frame had shifted. It was my book, but new and fresh, and I got out of bed and started writing it.

Writing Dream Walker has been an intuitive process for me. Maybe it is that way for all writers. It only flows when I get my head out of the way. Rationale does not work...intellect fucks it up. Many times I thought I was going one direction only to be told by the character, that no, they weren't. The story was full of surprises--for me. There were times that my gut seized up with a knowing that everything was wrong with a chapter. I absolutely could not write another word. I would have to completely let that train of thought go so Muse would come and work his magic, lighting the synapses of my brain with epiphany.

Muse isn't just genius about storytelling either. He has also been very insistent about what I should do once the book was written, telling me over and over, "Self-publish." He's whispered marketing ideas and promotion suggestions to me in my sleep. He has pointed me toward workshops, websites and blogs specifically geared toward the independent author. Every time I move in that direction, synchronicities happen.

But my head got in the way.

Yes, I know now is an exciting time to be a writer. The opportunities and services supporting independent authors are abundant and incredible. But my head clings to the old ways. It tries to convince me that the traditional route is the only "legit" path.

Get an agent. Have them find the publisher. Self-publishing is only for people who can't make it any other way. I am a coward, afraid of the dreaded rejection slips! I have to earn my stripes by taking my licks! Amanda Hocking be damned!

Muse and I got in an argument. He left in a huff. Alright, I exaggerate. He just shrugged his shoulders and sulked off.. And I went about checking the boxes on my "traditional" route task list so I could start gathering some rejections slips for the scrapbook.

And my gut froze up. Inspiration and enthusiasm left me when muse did. My soul is not in it. 

I swallowed my pride and said, "Muse. If you can hear me across the dimensions, could you please come back? I think I am on the wrong path with this."

He was by my side right away. Even muses don't want to miss an opportunity to gloat and say, "I told you so." Again, he outlined the plan--the Independent, Self Publishing Plan of Action for Shannan Sinclair and Dream Walker. He knew I was still really apprehensive about committing to this plan, so he sent one of his helpers...an elf, a human elf.

This elf sent me an email last week. He has a friend who has the coveted Agent. And her agent scored her a publisher!!!! Her book is going to be published LEGITIMATELY!!!! His friend holds the Holy Grail of Writer's Success in her hands! Contracts have been signed. Her book will be available to the public! In January 2014.

Yes... you read that shit right. JANUARY 2014! TWO FREAKIN' YEARS AWAY!!!!!!!!!

WTF?

Muse was rolling on the floor laughing his ass off. "Told you so." He couldn't help one last dig.

That sealed the deal for me. Dream Walker is NOT going to be published in 2014. It is going to be published March 1, 2012 or very soon after. It will be available on Nook, Kindle, and Apple--electronically. And for those of you who haven't moved into the 21st century yet, I am figuring out how to kill a couple of trees just for you.

In the coming weeks, you'll be hearing more about Dream Walker's release and how you can help my book go viral! Maybe we can organize one of those Flash Mob things? Or maybe we can invade peoples dreams and seed the idea --"Buy Dream Walker today." That would be bad ass... creepy... but bad ass!

Until next time, remember...

We live in the fiction.

Shannan

Reposted from SHANNANSINCLAIR.COM

First Peek: Dream Walker

Now that the dust has settled in my life, I am back to REALLY finishing my book. The climax and finale chapters are underway as you read this post.

 

Because I am planning to e-publish it - to generate interest - while I search for an agent/publisher, I have also started planning my marketing strategies, designing covers and preparing a web site. 

This whole novel writing endeavor is arduous. Although the idea for the novel came to me almost 7 years ago, I didn't begin truly gestating it until November 1st of last year. By the time I finish, I will have carried this puppy for 9 months. I am fascinated at how the process is almost exactly like being pregnant with children. 

The uncontrollable eating.

The unbearable anxiety.

The sleepless nights.

The heartburn.

The hemorrhoids.

I can't wait for the damn thing to crown!

My beta readers and I have narrowed the book cover design down to the final two choices. I wanted to give all of you a sneak peek and an opportunity to have a say in which one you like the best. It has basically come down to the font.

Dream Walker is a quantum fiction novel about a young woman who unwittingly stumbles into another dimension and witnesses a murder. What she believed was only a dream, she soon discovers is a reality, and she finds herself in danger of being hunted and eliminated by the people in control of The Stratum.

Please leave a comment as to which cover you prefer! Soon, I will be posting some sample chapters to whet your appetite as well!!!!! Fun! Fun!

Namaste,

C H E Z

Book Cover Photo  ©DepositPhotos / Stanislav Perov

Sanctuary

Home Sweet Home.

A space I don't have to leave to feel like I am away from it all!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Namaste,

C H E Z

Follow Your Heart - OR DIE!!!!!

So I watched Oprah today.

I don't usually watch Oprah. I have nothing against her... I just don't like sappy, overdramatized, preachy things. I like authenticity. And although she preaches authenticity - it doesn't feel authentic to me.

I want REAL. Like, really really REAL.

I like my sunshine with some clouds...

my flowers in the dirt...

I like my tears... not to be a pretty, little well-up with one sliding down my cheek.... I like tears with snot and sobs and black, mascara eyes that leave a salty rind encrusted on my face.

But I watched Oprah today, featuring Tom Shadyac, the director of Ace Ventura, Bruce Almighty, Nutty Professor, who gave up the so-f-ing-rich-and-successful life, for a REAL one.

It hooked me. It touched me. And it reminded me of several things about myself that I have let go to seed.

I haven't been living my purpose. I know my purpose. I yearn and crave to be fulfilling it. BUT I continuously put it aside and give my energy away to purposes that are not from my own heart. I get distracted and off-track.

Oprah said today.... "Each day we live not doing our heart's desire... we die a little."

That resonated with me. I know that little inkling of death. I feel it when I close my eyes at the end of a day that I have been completely out of touch with my soul's reason for being.

So I am putting a little Posty on my bathroom mirror that reads - "Follow Your Heart - OR DIE!"

Every morning... as I floss my gums... I will repeat it in my head and go into my day following my heart.

Namaste,

C H E Z

The Force Is Middling In This One

Hello faithful readers whom I abandoned months ago to go into hard labor to birth my novel. How are my peeps doing? Well, I hope?

So you all know, I have banned blogging from my list of activities because, while it is fun and fulfilling, it detracts both time and juice from The Project of Which I Cannot Speak. I have eliminated nearly all endeavors in order to focus on producing this Great Work of Art That Is Going To Blow You Away.

Really.

I have kept in the occasional Zumba class... because my ass is big enough. Sitting 12 hours at work and then another 5 hours in front of The Novel, has to be counteracted with a little booty shaking.

I sleep.

I eat.

I drink wine.

I pet my cat.

And occasionally I bathe.

It is completely... freaking... ridiculous.

I am absolutely determined to see this through. Some people have the desire to complete a marathon. I have zero desire to run 385 yards - let alone 26 miles and 385 yards. Some people want to win Gold at the Olympics... climb Mount Everest.... or have sex with a porn star...

Not me. Numero uno, pretty much numero solo, on my cubeta lista is: write a damn book.

I would pick the hardest thing on Earth to accomplish.

So the other day while I was at work, I downloaded a free, Nook book called "Write Good or Die." I was hoping for a little hope and inspiration since I don't have a Xanax prescription.

The book was filled with short articles about the craft and pain in the ass of writing. I got to one article in particular that, although it wasn't as good as what I imagine narcotics to be, was insightful and, even better, made me laugh. I enjoyed it so much I decided to check out the author's website.

The author describes himself as living "in the worst city in the United States."

My first thought was, "Bullshit! I live in the worst city in the United States." (Actually...Modesto is now considered 4th worst, but still.)

I dismissed his claim and went straight for the meat and potatoes of his site... the free download samples of his books! I read the first one: "The Force is Middling in this One" and laughed my ass off.

That really counts for something - because I usually don't find people funny.... stupid... but not funny.

I enjoyed the sample so much, I am buying that book AND his fiction novel "Mercury Falls."

I also decided to challenge his assertion about the "living in the worst city" claim...and guess what?

He only lives down the road like 10 miles!

He lives in Ripon! Which is HELLA better than Modesto, but close enough that he lives in Modesto's second hand meth smoke.

I was really inspired by that; a talented writer, who is practically a neighbor! I thought - if HE could live in this god-forsaken area and finish a damn book and have it actually be successful, then so can I!

The Force works in mysterious ways.

Check out his site, read his samples and buy his books: Robert Kroese

Namaste,

C H EZ

Stirring Dust

stirring dust, originally uploaded by brookeshaden.

A few minutes of reading first thing, to whet the noodle.

Some coffee to wet the veins.

Some tunes for the flow of the soul.

I light a candle.

I get up and go to the bathroom.

How about another cup of coffee?

Up and down with the OCD.

Maybe if I turn around ten times to the left --- then touch my toes?

Every day that I sit down to write, I go through an hour of theatrics.
It's that damn little voice!
"I can't do it."
"I have nothing to say."
"It won't be good."
I am a two year old having a meltdown in the cookie aisle.
A cat in the bath.
My body at the gym.

And I really know better! I know that after an hour of creaky, crappy tapping at the keys that a miraculous limbering takes place, I get entranced, and it all spills forth.

But here I whine a fret another morning.

I should be chomping at the bit! Yesterday, I completed my outline. The bones of the book are in order! I can put on muscle now!

....................and I am not.
Cuz if I wrote something good yesterday, today will surely be a disappointment.
Right?
Okay... enough procrastination by blogging!

Namaste,
C H E Z

Current Book List
The Right to Write, Julia Cameron
Writing Down the Bones,Natalie Goldberg
On Writing, Stephen King
Save the Cat, Blake Snyder
Fahrenheit 451, Ray Bradbury

iMix - Soundtrack for a Novel
Black & Gold, Mattea Overstreet
Starlight, Muse
Starry Eyed, Ellie Goulding
Ghosts N Stuff, Deadmau5
Sleepyhead, Passion Pit
4th Dimensional Transition, MGMT
Chances Are, Johnny Mathis
The Game, Disturbed

Where for art thou, ART?

I have yet to figure out the ways of creativity or how it flows through me. I am often at a loss.

I have evolved and transitioned in my passions over the years.

At one time in my life, performing was my passion. I craved the theatre, immersing myself in character and story and taking the audience there with me.

Then... it was nothing but song, to channel the rapture of music with my voice.

Another shift ~ and I was channeling poetry. I couldn't focus for all the verses dancing in my head.

And then ~ my soul journals, sixteen thus far! Hundreds of pages filled with colorful visions!

Once consumed by a passion, the former one loses its hold. I cannot believe I ever gave up the theatre. I loved it so much. It was my life! But I have no craving for it now.

The singing! I was sure I wanted to do it forever, but when watching Mattea sing, I wonder where my envy is.

My obsession for my journaling was a serious addiction. I could not go a day without paint on my fingers. Lately, I find myself going several without withdrawals ever setting in.

I am unsettled by this. I feel like I am letting something go that I once loved so much. But it isn't feeding me the same way anymore. It is like saying to a lover, "I love you, but I am not IN LOVE with you."

Yet I still feel creativity roiling within me seeking expression.

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of watching Anthony Bourdain's "No Reservations", Rome episode. I was overcome with a craving for Italy! A sudden, ravanous desire to create a pasta perfection called Cacio e Pepe! I want to savor a freshly cut wheel of parmesan cheese while I sip red wine!

I realized that there is art in everything!

I could be an artful cook and create that pasta!

I can be an artful traveler and immerse myself in another culture!

I have been devouring books lately. I have 10 books that I am concurrently reading right now. No lie! I am being an artful reader!

As I study and write for my Holistic Theology degree, I am an artful student.

I was an artful mother the days I spent with my daughter in San Francisco.

I am an artful blogger when I craft these little posts.

When I crawl into bed, luxuriate in my sheets, snuggle into my pillow, and find my husbands feet, I am an artful dreamer.

At any time, when we are fully engaged in crafting the living of our lives...

we are artists!

Namaste,

C H E Z

This is.... American Idol!!!

The things we do for our children!

The past two days was dedicated to Mattea's American Idol audition experience. Since they lowered the age limit to 15 she was eligible to audition. The first thing you have to do is get your ticket. First lesson: Go on the first day --- early. We went on the second day --- early. Your ticket is your place in line.

I thought we would wait in line for a ticket for hours... we got up at 3am, drove to San Francisco, paid $30 for a parking spot, went up to the line of 2 people, and got our ticket. Less then 5 minutes! By 7:30 am we were trying to figure out what to do for the rest of the day!

Luckily, it's San Francisco. We ate a good breakfast then went to Cow Hollow to shop and get pedicures. After our toes were looking good we dropped the top on the convertible and drove the Presidio, taking in the Golden Gate at Chrissy Field. Then it was over to Haight Ashbury for some thrift store shopping and people watching. After checking into the hotel, we made our traditional dinner of raw oysters and grilled cheese at the Ferry Building. We were in bed by 8:30pm --- because wake up was at 3!

Lesson #2: Unless you got one of the first tickets, you do not have to be there at 5 am. But we were! Only to be ushered into a parking lot corral to sit on the asphalt for 3 hours. I will not tell you where we got our blanket... but thank GOD we had it!!!!

There were a lot of negatives about the whole thing... but one of the best things was meeting all the people. We steered clear of the crazies - though they were entertaining; the Tranny Granny on roller skates and transformer boy.

We hung out with the real kids with real dreams. Many had driven down from Seattle, or just flew in from LA and Arizona. I really became invested in everyone's success, watching for their turn to see if they got a ticket to the next round.

So we didn't have a great place in "line". We waited 12 HOURS before Mattea got to audition.

There are at least 7,000 people there... you do not go straight to Randy, Kara, and whoever else they have judging now that Paula and Simon are out. You go to 2 television/music producers sitting in a tent.

There are ten tents for this so they can herd all these people through. It can NOT be fun for those "judges". I got to listen to thousands of people, warming up and showing off in the halls. Less than 1% of them have the right combo --- the voice, the looks and the "IT". Those first judges suffer through it all.

You sign a release form, understanding that you may be completely humiliated by the process and it may be on television and if you make it you basically agree that the "producer" owns you.

I have to admit... I wanted Mattea to do well, I want her to be successful... but I want her to own herself. Her being 15 and going into that kind of lifestyle makes me uncomfortable.

There she is... back of the line.... about 5,000 people have gone ahead of her.

Yeah... she's auditioning in 10 minutes, but still has time for the ever important text message. Mattea had the right attitude the WHOLE day. When a bitchy stage mother got all up in our grill about a seat, Mattea said, "I'm not going to wish anybody bad." She found a friend with a ukulele and they toured the stadium serenading the crowd. She smiled, laughed and truly enjoyed herself.

You go up in groups of four. One person steps forward, sings their song for about 20 seconds, they stop them and they step back. The next one goes, then the next. If they like you, they let you sing longer, if they still like you, they ask you to sing another song. At this point so late in the day, if they still like you, they get "THE PRODUCER" - Simon Fuller or Nigel Lythgoe - to come hear you sing, before they give you a ticket to the 2nd level.

In this photo, there is a girl singing, her group lined up behind her. In that group is a brunette in a black shirt with black hair. She had a good voice, a little screechy when she belted it, but nice tone and inflection. She was good-looking... and she had an "it" factor. She went through.

Mattea is in the last group.

Mattea sang "Sunday Morning" by Maroon 5. She looked at the judges, she gave them the "it", she NAILED it. They let her sing the first 2 verses, the chorus, and well into the second verse. The male judge even laid his head in his hand a stared at her dreamily. I was in shock!

Then they asked her to sing a second song!

And I think Mattea went into shock.

She quickly decided on "Someone to Watch Over Me." She was so good... so composed, even though I could tell that her pulse was starting to race.

They stopped her after a while, the next people went, and they let them all go with a "There were some great singers in this group, but not right for Season 10."

She didn't get a "Golden Ticket" for American Idol. But Mattea is a Golden Girl to me and all of her friends, family and fans!

Namaste,

C H E Z...... Mattea's Momma ;-)

If you'd like to hear some of Mattea's singing visit her YouTube channel.