I keep feeling an urge to stop.
I have labeled this slow down, my suppressed energy, as "depression".
I feel like I am dancing a very, very slow dance... like the last dance of the prom... a barely moving sway.
This is not my normal tune. I think of myself as more 80's pop; Erasure, Howard Jones, ABC, and B52's... lots of hip shaking and the Carlton goin' on.
This current tempo feels off to me. I automatically judge it as "something is wrong" and have been trying to push myself out of it. I am trying to boogie to a drone.
The syncopation makes me feel even worse.
We expect the ebbs and flows of our lives to be coordinated. We try to force the ebbs into our schedule. Why can't I feel slow and melancholy on a Sunday? And really... I can only afford to give that feeling about 10 minutes, cause I have a lot of shit to do and some goals to achieve.
God laughs.
"To every thing there is a season, and a time for every purpose."
The sun rises and then sets. Tides are high and low. The moon waxes and wanes. Seeds sprout, bear fruit, then wither. The Universe has its own cadence.
If I fall into time with the Universe, allowing myself the inhale... a long, deep breath... maybe it is all just fine.
The Greeks had two words for time. Chronos, chronological, sequential time... and kairos, the supreme moment, an undetermined period of time in which something special happens, a time of destiny.
If I am always trying to tap and jig, I could be missing out on the turning point of my destiny.
This could be my special moment.
I do not have to DO anything. In fact, anything I do in this moment may screw up the symphony.
I can slow down.
Better yet, I CAN stop.
And that could be just what the Universe ordered.
C H E Z
Hiya Shannon!
It's been quite the long time since I have come to visit you in your lovely blog home. Reading your words and gazing at your images, I realized how much I missed coming here :) I have been navigating my own ebb and flow, a surfer on the wave of life. I felt myself reflected in your words and came to say I'm a fellow traveler. :)
Posted by: Genie Sea | September 19, 2010 at 05:29 PM
Well there you are Miss Genie!!!!!
I know you are a fellow traveler, and I MISS you!!!! Thanks for coming by again. And when you are sitting in the ebb... diggin' for clams and finding old anchors and one of a kind seashells... remember so many are right there with you!
Posted by: Shannan Sinclair | September 19, 2010 at 10:08 PM