It's Time.

 

I have taken some steps through so many new, OPEN doors, these past two weeks. This post should actually be three separate ones!

Something about the moving, being in limbo, between worlds; moving out of a world that is completing a cycle and a into a new one that is healed and free and ready.

First, I started a nutrition plan, lost almost 20 pounds and have had an enormous increase in physical energy. I have been hiding from my body for 3 years, ignoring it, not wanting to feel it because I felt uncomfortable and unwell. It was easier to pretend that it didn't exist.

Shedding - releasing - that 20 pounds, so relatively effortlessly, was like molting. I let it go and stepped out of my shell, back into a being of vitality.

Surely, I gush!

Second, as a mentioned a few posts ago, I was driving home from work one butt crack of dawn, because that is what 3:30 in the morning is, the butt crack of dawn, and I was feeling overwhelmed by the clean slate rising on my horizon. A clean slate, with endless possibility and opportunity is a frightening thing! I have had them many times before, only to muddy them up with "fillers" that weren't really my soul's desire.

I had a whisper of an idea from my commuting angel to turn on AM 1530. Really???? Who listens to AM anymore - all talk and static and hum. But Coast to Coast AM was on and Ian Punnett speaking with Zen DeBrucke, who was talking about our natural intuition, as she calls it, an Internal Guidance System. There were several times during her interview I got a full body opening - every cell in my body, from head to toe, was a-tingle.

I had to explore this further.

So I have been spending the past two weeks, using this technique. Now, I have always had a very strong intuition, but I haven't been very good at directing it, understanding it clearly, or following its signals. This practice has had amazing results. Very quickly, I have been able to tune in and get very clear "yesses" and "nos". 

You can listen to that Coast to Coast Interview here.

SO THEN! I was experimenting with this technique and exploring my IGS about something that has tormented me my whole life. A deep disatisfaction that I am not really on my true path. Yes, I have been a fabulous mother. Yes, I love creating, art journaling, and facilitating others in the exploration of their creativity. But all of that falls shy of that total resonance that only being on PURPOSE can bring.

So I am journaling (writing, rather than art) PAGES and PAGES of my insights, digging for the gold vein that has ALWAYS threaded through my life, where I feel most joy, excitement, peace and rightness. And I FOUND it... but it made me really anxious and afraid.

The next day, I opened up my SPAM box on my email. There were 30 of them in there: "Your account is expiring - send us all your passwords so we can save your account." "You are the benificiary of 33 million dollars"... you know what I am talking about....

I don't even know why I opened it rather than just hit "empty". But I did. And in the list of shit, one email caught my eye. I opened it and found an invitation to a seminary program - exactly what I had written in my journal the night before. And then very clear it came to me. 

"It's time."

Namaste, 

C H E Z