I have been holding this as an affirmation for the past couple of days. Trying to hold the vibration of love while surrounded by lower vibrations of fear and hate...trying to remain a light in the midst of darkness.
As a 911 dispatcher, I interact with humans when they are at their worst. They are hurting each other, they are under stress, and they are angry. I mediate conflict.
If you suspect that the world has gotten more a bit more hostile in recent years, you'd be right.
My coworkers--fellow dispatchers and police officers--deal with this new world disorder as best they can. But besides the public chaos, we also deal with internal disorder: short staffing, 12 to 14 hour regular shifts, and overtime days. It takes a toll. Morale sinks and darkness invades the work environment as well.
Most of us have forgotten or don't even realize we are Lightworkers. We are healers. We get so caught up in the negativity bombarding us, we become as unloving as the people we are trying to serve.
I know I am a Lightworker. I know I am called upon to use this gift in the war zone, where darkness reigns.
I wish I could say I have mastered my abilities to hold light and love in all situations, but I haven't. Sometimes I only have enough love and light to sustain myself through the day. And sometimes I don't.
Sometimes the darkness I am processing gets stuck and I am crushed.
Some would probably tell me I should stay detached, keep better boundaries, not let it get to me. But then my heart would feel hardened... And love and light cannot flow through a hard heart.
Sometimes I think I should not be here anymore, that I can't do this job anymore, that I should do my healing work in a kinder environment. And that may be what has to happen for my own well-being.
In the meantime, while I am trying to find my place in this world again, I am going to keep calling on the Light.