ORIGINAL BLISS

Deeper Release

 

The past 2 years has been all about letting go for me.

Some of the lettings go have been a natural part of the life cycle.

I had to let go of my children as they became adults.

I had to let go of my youth as a new era started dawning on my face and body.

Some were shocking releases - torn from my heart.

I had to let go of some very strong belief systems about truth and justice always prevailing.

I had to let go of my dependency on financial security.

I am in the process letting go of my home.

I am in the process of letting go of the blueprint of what I thought my life was going to be.

 

As my journal expresses, I have never been good at letting go.

I stress myself trying to control situations... trying to keep the plot of my story going the way I planned.

When I lose... when I finally give up and let the Universe take it, I grieve and rage deeply.

I am tired.

The clinging is killing me.

I have been wondering if I can change. If I can let go and go with the flow. If I can detach from the outcome of EVERYTHING, and enjoy just living in the moment.

I feel better just thinking about it.

When I feel my gut cinching and my brain twisting into a tight grip, I have been gently reminding myself,

"Release"

"Release"

It is like floating. Catching a wind and gliding. And funny... In that space of no effort, miracles happen. Big, soul level dreams manifest, as they never could with all my bloody, sweaty, tearful, EFFORT.

 

Release.

Namaste,

C H E Z

Landed

 

Two feet planted safely on my home turf.

Strangely, I was really really nervous the nights before my flights... but once at the airport and on the plane, I enjoyed it immensely. Angels calmed the skies for our flight. They were each the smoothest, clearest flights I have ever taken.

Seeing the Grand Canyon, the Great Salt Lake, and Lake Tahoe from 30,000 feet was awe inspiring.

 

We got our mock up and had a beautiful snow flurry that crystallized the world and made the simple act of driving an adventure!

 

We had a girls day with my sister, crushing on gay men in Cobras, and young ones singing love songs on the stage. Laughing at how 1 little ol' martini effected my sister.

We had nieces sit on our laps and Rhodesians nose our cold noses.

Mattea and I cuddled under the covers and giggled until our toes got warm.

   

I kept waiting for the regret to sneak up on me... the shame that I was so impulsive and took off on a whim.

Never happened. Never will.

 

Nothing but dance and celebration in my soul!

But it is so nice to be back in my lovers warm embrace, with a bath and a glass of wine to warm my frozen bones!

Namaste,

C H E Z

Dancing with the Wheel

  

So my daughter and I made it to Denver. Yesterday was a beautiful day for flying. Barely a wobble of turbulance! The winds and rain from earlier in the week had cleared the sky giving us incredible visibility.

Flying over my old home of San Diego made me a little homesick. Fly over the Grand Canyon was amazing. And flying into Denver was gorgeous!

I was so worried about me freaking out and being nervous --- I didn't worry about Mattea who told me she likes flying. Then last night told me she didn't like it as much as she thought. I t was boring.

Teenagers!

Sheesh!

Off to University of Denver... some lunch with my sister... some more bonding with the neices... then Spring Awakening. I can't wait.

Namaste,

C H E Z