ORIGINAL BLISS

Day 4 of the J and Shay Roadtrip

I've taken 220 photos so far! And I still have 5 days to go. I may need to buy another memory card... especially for Bryce Canyon!

More posts when I get home!

More photos HERE - PHOTOBUCKET!

Namaste,

C H E Z

Life. Get the Good Stuff While You Can.

Time flies.

I didn't really notice my own life flying through the time/space continuum.

But I sure as hell noticed my children's childhood did!

All those songs... Butterfly Kisses... There Goes My Life... Wide Open Spaces... My Wish... I Hope You Dance.... so many songs crossing my mind when my eldest daughter, Kelsea, drove off into her awesome, new collegiate life at San Francisco State U.

Then today I picked up my second, Mattea, from her first day at high school! I know now how fast these 4 years are going to go!

It seems dumb and sappy looking at it from the outside.

"They always come back."

So they say.

But even if they do... the era is different. The space has changed.

It is a rite of passage I wasn't prepared for.

I recently reconnected with an old grammar/junior/high school friend on Facebook. She was absolutely the sweetest thing back in the day --- and from our internet chats, she doesn't seem to have changed a bit. She sniffed with me via "chat" in the first few hours after Kelsea left --- and she sent me a link to an article that PERFECTLY sums up the emotions of the space that I am in.

I share it with you:

I Was The Sun. My Kids Were The Planets by Beverly Beckham

Sure, maybe 10 years from now I'll laugh with my girls about my weepiness "back then". But I secretly wonder if the grief ever really leaves. If I could ask my grandmothers - who have poth passed - I am SURE they would tell me that it doesn't.

The grief over the ending of that aspect of motherhood is too profound.

Namaste,

C H E Z

Hittin' the Road!

Preparing for our J and Shay road trip to Colorado.

I hate the cleaning the house and packing part, but I can't wait to wake up early in the morning, turn on the iPod and drive into the sunrise!

First stop -- VEGAS baby! Jeff's first time ever to Sin City! We are only there one night, but I have a feeling there will be another stop on the way home. There is just too much to see!

Then we make another stop in Glenwood Springs for a night. I really want to check out Hanging Lake. I even bought and broke in new choos for the hike.

Then we visit my sister, brother-in-law, and nieces for the weekend!

On the way back we are exploring Bryce Canyon.

On the way home we may have to stop by and see the Vegas again.

We are excited. It has been a very long time since we had a real J & Shay getaway.

Namaste,

C H E Z

Everything For Sale!!

 

EVERYTHING 4 SALE!

50% Off!

Souls For Sale! FREE!

All Hearts Sold Out!

Let's make A Deal!

I woke up this morning to Fox News on the television.

Who did that to me first thing in the morning before I had my cup of coffee!!!!????

There was a lot of hullabaloo about "The Death Book".

Lots of fear-peddling. "Denial of care!" "Suicide Promotion!" Since when is planning for the inevitable so outrageous?

Life Insurance has been around since ancient Rome, and I don't hear the fear peddlers, attacking that! I mean shouldn't we rename Life Insurance - "Profit for Death Policy"?

The real title, BTW, is "Your Life. Your Choices."

My husband is a disabled veteran so I thought it would be a good read and I wanted to know if the VA was out to kill him.

In it I found a lot of good information to help people plan their passing and make it easier for their families - if the worst should happen. Explanations about "advanced directives" "personal directives" "instructional directives" "living wills/trusts".

A lot of questionnaires to help you figure out how YOU feel about different issues so YOU can make the right decisions for YOURSELF.

A lot in there about communicating your wishes to your family, so they know what to do if you are brain dead and on life support. If you had dementia and stopped eating, would you want a feeding tube inserted to prolong your life?

Good question!

I don't know!

When both my grandmother's became ill, and it became clear that it was terminal, it was good to talk to them, and KNOW from them how they felt and what they wanted. Grandma Roseberry was ADAMANT ---- and when that woman was adamant she meant it - she wanted a DNR. Grandma Lil designated spokespeople for her medical decisions. The more they were in control of their transition process, the easier it was on the family members caring for them.  Grief and fear cloud the judgment and decision making process of the living. Knowing what the dying want is a gift to the living.

I read through the whole "Death Book", no where in it did I feel I was being warned that I was going to be DENIED CARE. Nor did I feel like it promoted suicide as a viable alternative. The word "suicide" is mention once:

Q: Is withdrawing treatment considered suicide?
A: Most people would say "no." Withdrawing or stopping a treatment after it has been started, is one way that patients can exercise their right to refuse treatment especially if the treatment does not seem to be achieving the desired goal. However, some religions believe otherwise. You may want to check with your religious adviser to be sure.

Let's face it. At some point in our life - death will come. It is inevitable. For some, it will happen in the blink of an eye. Others will know it's coming and have the grace of time to plan for it. This book helps the latter.

I've decided not to watch the news anymore.

It jacks my blood pressure.

And I don't have a plan yet!

Namaste,

C H E Z

OBEY!

 

I haven't been political on my blog in a long time, but I have been watching a strange phenomena the past few months that I just have to comment on.

Have you been watching the news coverage about health care reform?

Have you seen all the footage of town hall presentations where some politician-talking-head-puppet tries to talk to a group of "citizens" about health care reform and the crowd screams and hollers and boos and hisses?

Are those screamin'-hollerin'-booin'-hissin' people for REAL? 

The whole thing --- from ALL sides --- seems fake and staged to me.

I am a "lucky" one. My employer (right now) pays 100% of my medical insurance premiums for my whole family. That's $1200 a month that doesn't come out of my pocket!

That is A LOT of mulla!

I think it is too much mulla for the insurance companies, as I do not use the doctor enough per month to be giving them that much, but I understand that that money goes into a pool that is used for other people who are needing it. God forbid, someday I may need some of that pool.

But the people on the t.v., those screamin'-hollerin'-booin'-hissin' people, they don't look like the kind of people that have my kind of luck.

They look like the kind of people that have to fork over a lot of their own mullah for medical insurance.

I have it really good. And I feel bad for the people that have to spend their own hard earned dollers for something so basic. I would like to see a cheaper alternative so that everybody can feel secure that their medical needs will be taken care of when they need it.

I have a hard time believing those people know what they are hollerin' about and fighting against.

Being the conspiracy theorist that I am... I think those people are desparate for dollars and are being paid by insurance companies to throw a fuss so that nothing changes. Insurance companies have it really really REALLY good -

As long as the system stays the same.

Could someone explain to me why the fuss?

Could someone explain why we don't want health care reform?

And please do not say, "Because we don't want the government to run everything."

Because who are we kidding?

Namaste,

C H E Z

Fold 'Em

When I begin a journal page, I rarely know where I am going with it.
Sometimes I just have an image - Like a skeleton clip art image... Or a face... Or a color.
I put down an element, ask what it needs next, and build step by step.
It's like putting a puzzle together, but you don't have the box to show you what the image is supposed to end up looking like.
My soul knows, because she gives me each piece. But my ego has no idea.
When it is done, I look at it and see what it is tells me.

This one gave me a lot of titles.

"Surrender"
"My Last Hand"
"Fold 'Em"

It is telling me, that I have been playing the game with a lot of EFFORT.
Trying to win.
Fighting to win.
I am exhausted because I feel like I am losing or have lost.

Then that Kenny Rogers tune starts playing in my head. And it makes me giggle...
(because Kenny Rogers - even the sad songs - make me giggle for some reason... (actually all that 70's country music tickles my funny bone - but that's another post!))

I got a great sense of peace and JOY from the idea of FOLDING, from the idea of not playing the game anymore. Letting go of the cards. Letting them fall where they may. Walking away from the table. Being open to something greater.

Then I look at the hand I am releasing and I see I was holding 4 ACES!
I was holding a winning hand THE WHOLE TIME!

Do I regret folding now?

Nope.

People get shot for having those cards!

and I was probably playing Go Fish anyway. ;-)

Namaste,

C H E Z

Surprise! Surprise!!!!!!

The new Art Journaling Magazine by Somerset Studio was in our mailbox today.

Strange, because I don't subscribe.

What an AWESOME surprise to have 2 of my pages featured! (on page 130!!!!!)

Happy first day of vacation to me!

It is worth mentioning that I began art journaling again just over a year ago as a way of processing and trying to heal an intense rage and depression that I was experiencing.

Jeff's and my life was turned upside down and inside out in March, 2008. I was silenced and made irrelevant and true injustice occurred. I decided at that time, that I was going to SHARE my art journaling, rather than keep it hidden like a secret diary.

The one year anniversary of this blog slipped by without me realizing it - July 10th. Art Journaling, or Soul Journaling as I like to call it, and Original Bliss, have been a soul saving outlet for me - one ray of joy and hope that has been seeing me through a very painful time.

My posts and pages are not always pretty, inspiring or uplifting. But they are real. I try to be unflinchingly honest and true in my journals and on this blog.

I want to thank each of you who visit, read, subscribe and comment to my little internet expression.

With each post, I give myself my voice back and each visit makes me feel heard.

Namaste,

C H E Z

Shannanism #47 - People Are Like Monkeys

 

People Are Like Monkeys

See Monkey C.

See Monkey Doo.

See Monkey C in the zoo minding his own monkey business.

See Monkey Doo taking a poo.

See Monkey Doo take his poo and throw it at Monkey C.

See Monkey Doo point his really long-ass finger at Monkey C.

See Monkey Doo point his long-ass finger and make that loud, screeching monkey sound, telling all the other monkeys to "Look over here! Monkey C has shit all over himself!"

What is Monkey C to do?

A. Monkey C can just sulk over to shower and shower Monkey Doo's poo off of himself.

B. Monkey C can tell Monkey Doo to stop pointing his long-ass finger and remind Monkey Doo that it is HIS poo in the first place.

C. Monkey C can throw Monkey Doo's poo back at him, knowing that that will really make Monkey Doo go ape shit and start a poo fight.

D. Monkey C can walk his ass out of that zoo. Who put him in that cage anyway?

What would YOU do?

Namaste,

C H E Z

Playing to My Weaknesses

Jeff and I went out for a long stroll last night, taking the 5 mile route rather than the 3 mile route.

As we were passing a neighbors house we heard the distinctive clank of a horseshoe hitting a stake - the ring of the not-quite-a-ringer.

We started talking about horseshoes.

We talked about bowling.

and darts.

and golf.

As I thought about these games and my skills at them, I realized that I'm not naturally good at them.

When I bowl, my arm swings inward, not straight, so the ball hooks to the left.

I understand this about my bowling so when I play, I utilize this knowledge about my weakness. I move to the right a bit and aim 2 lane arrows to the right, so my ball hooks right into the sweet spot.

(DISCLAIMER: I am not a good bowler until I've had a couple of beers in a dirty bowling alley glass. My second game is always my best (130) and after that I'm tipsy and I suck again.)

It's the same with darts. I understand how I throw, so I adjust my aim.

Some people would call this overcompensating. I call it modifying my game.

I started wondering if I could utilize this in other areas of my life; understand my weaknesses, adjust my aim, modify my game.

For instance,

I am a control freak.

Seriously!

I understand that it started at a very, very young age, and it has to do with a lack of trust. It's all very valid, but I have applied it to everything and everyone, even though they have proved themselves capable and trust-worthy.

It drives them nuts.

I understand this about myself. So now, how can I play to that weakness?

I have a vacation coming up and Jeff and I are taking a road trip to Colorado to visit my sister. Yes, a road trip.

I am a terrible - HORRIBLE - side-seat driver. Using my new theory, I am going to attempt to modify my game and not give constant feedback on the status of Jeff's driving skills.

I'll let you know how that works out! (Actually... I'll let Jeff let you know how it works out. I figure if we don't end up in County... we're good!  ;-)   )  

Namaste,

C H E Z

Whispers in the Wind

Ear to the ground

Listening for whispers in the wind.

Ethereal answers

but all I hear is a great hum.

Maybe I'm not listening in the right direction.

 

 

"Elizabeth Imagined"

The next few weeks are going to be tough. Kelsea turns 18 on Tuesday and is heading off to college and into the big, bad world. Why is it I feel that the world is a smaller, but badder place than when I turned 18? Is it just my imagination? A mama's exaggerated worry? Or is it true?

The world is definitely smaller now.

When I turned 18 and headed off to Japan alone, and then the Air Force, the world seemed large and foreign with every mile you moved further from home.

Then MTV hit the air. Yes, I blame it on MTV. You could actually watch the whole world dancing to the same music, and the Earth shrunk.

THEN! Al Gore created the Internet! And a World Wide Web was cast and tied us all together and my "friends" and "followers" from thousands of miles across the globe feel like neighbors across the street.

But at the same time, the world grew meaner. And crimes called car jackings, home invasion robberies, suicide bombings, and active shooters in colleges and high schools began occurring. We created the Amber Alert when our children started being abducted by strangers off the street.

Is it my imagination? Or was it always this way and we were just dumb and un"informed"?

So I am going through growing pains and experiencing a mother's anxiety; burning sage, offering sacrifices to the gods and drinking wine.

I know I will feel foolish in a month... after she's off and running and everything is fine.

It's the waiting and anticipation that fuels my fears.

Namaste,

C H E Z

(The drawing above was done in the early morning hours between 911 calls. She looks like my youngest daughter Elizabeth when she turns 18. She is 7 now. And I am already worrying. ;-))